Extracted from http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150523249759028
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At this very moment, I am twenty-two years old

Yet often with my parents, I am told,

“Age is just a number, you will always be my little girl”

And here I thought I’m an adult and ready to face the world.

So why is it with others, it’s a different story and there’s so much worry

With invitations coming in, people start asking me when I will marry

In all seriousness or in jest, friends say “I can’t wait to meet your other half!”

Taken aback so for now, all I will offer is a shrug with a laugh

Cos I can’t answer for sure if I’m really ready for it

I need to think harder with much more depth, this I will admit

It could be next year, ten years later or even never

So how about you just keep me in your prayer?

But half of my deen is on the line, so today I will give it some thought

Yes, the question I often get asked a lot

“How do you find someone if you don’t intend to date?”

I don’t know, maybe he will appear with a sign that says “Hey, I’m your soulmate!”

Not everyone will understand this decision I am making

Some really don’t, some choose not to, some think it’s time that I am wasting

Some refuse to embark on it cos they know it’s gonna be tough

Some laugh at me as I struggle to stay on this chosen path

Some tell me a trial and error is necessary to determine the best man

Some think I will be a victim to my desires in the end

It’s all right, I’m cool with it cos I know it’s a path worth taking

I’m not here to prove a point, I just want His blessing

Cos I shudder at the thought where people go “Who’s that?”

And have my name associated with a random lad

Oh, that girl.. “Yeah the one who used to be with so and so”

No I don’t ever want to be that name linked to you everywhere I go

Cos deep down, I don’t know if we will be together tomorrow

And years down the road, I don’t want my future husband to be in sorrow

Always haunted by a familiar name linked to his wife thus

I’m saying No to you cos I don’t want to taint my past

Often people ask me what is it that I am searching for

I can name a hundred and one traits and even more

I can keep planning all night long and continue listing

But ultimately I know it all boils down to just one thing,

That is, at the end of the day, the best of all planners is still Him

InsyaAllah, He will grant me the light when my eyes become dim

I will accept His plans with an open heart and not deny my Lord

Cos, it is Him who created me and He knows what I do not

And when I finally meet him, it might be kind of awkward

I might not even know he’s THE ONE at first glance or the second or the third

Cos he’s always lowering his gaze, haya in everything he does

Always with a third person around, he says that’s a must

But I am sure Allah will eventually give me a sign

To let me know that he’s meant to be mine

Istikharah after Istikharah, InsyaAllah a decision will be reached

One, with guidance and conviction, not one that deserves the ditch

He listens to my past attentively but not from a pedestal

He does not judge, his words of advice are not curt but lyrical

He secretly wished that he was there much earlier

To hold my hand and save me from this dunya way sooner

But from now on, he promises to guide me to the One and Only

Always reminding me that my intentions and amal should be for Him, solely

He recounts stories about Rasulullah and companions oh so naturally

He brings me closer to my beloved Creator slowly but surely

There will never come a day where he claims I’m more beautiful with my eyebrows tweezed

Cos he’s protecting his zaujah from engaging in what makes the Lord displeased

And sometimes when I whip up dishes that’s nowhere near perfect

He still eats them albeit slowly but with his smile still intact

And on those days that I can’t perform my prayers

He urges me to lie on his lap as he opens the Qur’an and recites the verses

Even when he’s exhausted after work at the end of the day

He still helps out with the chores even when I say “No, it’s okay”

My short temper is countered by words of wisdom

He reminds me that we are mere travelers in His Kingdom

He wakes me up for Fajr and encourages me to do the sunnah

He aspires to be a good father, like how Rasulullah is with Fatimah

The head of the family, he works hard and makes a good provider

He’s tactful when giving reminders, he walks the talk like a true leader

He sees himself never above anyone, always reminding himself first before others

He’s full of faith and knowledge but he remains modest

He looks at me knowing full well I’m no Jennifer Aniston

But still he’s grateful, not secretly desiring someone that can make heads turn

He won’t view me as an accessory that he merely wants to parade

And even when I get on his nerves, he won’t start to berate

He makes me laugh even on days I break down and cry

Have trust in Allah he says, make that a part of you not just a mere try

He knows I’m far from perfect and I constantly need his guidance

Together, with my hand in his, we will overcome all obstacles thanks to his patience

Searching for one’s other half is not as easy as searching for a mere brand

The secret lies with the One who already has my past, present and future planned

So I shall not get too carried away setting the bar up way too high

Cos high expectations beget disappointment and I might unknowingly greet him with a sigh

I should realize that like me, he will also have his moments and his flaws

I will learn to look past his imperfections as long as he’s a regular at the mosque

He is human, he is not perfect and he also comes with a past

I might not be his first but I sure hope I am his last

Dear brother, if one day you decide to take my hand, do it right, do it the Halal way

Cos this union needs His blessings and His help in every step of the way

Dates can wait, after you get past the wali and the akad nikah is over

Only then will looking at my eyes and saying “I love you” matter

With the lafaz, you are now my imam, in every aspect of my life

I sincerely hope that I do you justice and make a good wife

We will slowly but surely become each other’s voice of reason

I am relying on you from here on cos you are now officially my lifelong companion

So this is why I’ve made the difficult decision to stay away

Cos I want to be worthy for someone who is here to stay

I want to be able to say that “Hey, I saved myself for you!”

And how pleasing to the ears to receive a “Me too!”

I am not searching for Muhammad cos I am nowhere as perfect as Khadijah

A good Muslim will do, but let me first strive to be a good Muslimah

Wherever you are, I hope you are busy with the deen and helping the Ummah

And when you finally meet me, know that I need your guidance to bring me to Jannah.

______________

Nur Ashikin Kamaruddin

12 Jan 2012

**Disclaimer: poem is directed to no one in particular so chill ok friends haha. Just a reply to the repeated questions that I’m sure most sisters my age have to deal with

“Perempuan adalah ciptaan ALLAH yang amat teristimewa..
Semakin ALLAH menyayangi kita,
Semakin kuat dugaan yang ALLAH akan berikan pada kita..
Kita sebagai hamba”

“Cinta itu kejam”
“tak, cinta tu tak kejam.. Cuma manusia tak pandai menghargai cinta”

“Allah menyayangi orang yang sabar”

“tiada yang paling bahagia dari hidup seorang perempuan selain menjadi seorang ibu”

“Dan selalu berdoa agar suatu hari Tuhan akan bawa abang ke sini, syukur, Alhamdulillah”

“Redha itu ikhlas..pasrah itu menyerah”